I do not get it.

What do I have to do?

I care but I think I probably come off as if I do not. Did I come off as accusing? It is hard to transfer the meanings of my words from the cold screen. They are interpreted differently from what I want it to be, but what can I do when I cannot meet face to face? The questions I ask are to make you think. Do you hate me because I told you what you did not want to hear? Sure seems that way. Even if you say otherwise.

I feel like after the last time, you have closed yourself off from me. I cannot help you that way. I guess I cannot help you anyways. You already have your mind set it seems. Will anything I say change that? I honestly do not know. You cannot wait for life to give you what you are looking for. You have to go out and look for it. You may think you are, but you are not. You are sitting in your corner...hoping that luck will glance your way. Go out and look for that luck instead of waiting. Instead of running from your problems or ignoring them and hoping that they will go away.

I do not know what else to do but wait for you to talk to me. Sit and wait. It may take a while and feels inadequate somehow.

I know I will probably have a short string sometimes, but I will always try and listen. I say try because I know I am not the best listener...actually, I suck. I know I am not much of a listener. I cannot be your knight in shining armor. I cannot help you fix what you are not willing to fix yourself. I cannot be the one that delivers what you want when you want it. Life is not like that....and I know you know that. I know you feel like something is missing and I honestly hope you find it.

I know sometimes I'm a lousy friend. I think back on some times when I know I have let you down, but I hope you remember that I am only human. I may not do things that an ideal friend would do, but I try my best. So even now when I am not much use I will stick by you....as long as you want me to because I care. You would not believe how much I care.

If there is ever a time you tell me we should go our separate ways, I will still be here. I will be waiting for you. Even if you need help years after and we are old and gray. I will have my cane ready to help you. I will be here for you even if it is not enough. Even if I am not really good at it. I will try, because I think you're worth it.

Please don't ever forget it.
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